by guest blogger, Merindah Ward

Do you ever get the desire to be ‘more spiritual’ but think that you don’t have time for it?

Sometimes the concept of ‘spirituality’ is so overwhelming – because of the list of things we think we have to do in order to be a spiritual person (you know – meditate or pray every day for half an hour, be kind to everyone, have total forgiveness) that it feels impossible to find time for it.

Here’s the trick to it… what you think you need to do in order to be “spiritual” (translation – “perfect”) is often the very thing that gets in the way of connecting with your authentic spirituality. The ‘to-do’ list, along with the “shoulds”, the “musts” and the associated rules – is actually what stops us from being real.

Being yourself is the most spiritual thing you can do for the world and for your own life. It sounds simple – but it’s not easy – because of the collection of thoughts and beliefs that gather between us and the world, clouding our perception of reality. What happens then is we think about being spiritual rather than directly feeling and living it. We think it’s separate from everyday life, instead of realising it is our life.

When we think of how we want to shine, we think that we need to shine out into the world. So we make our spiritual shining into an item on our to-do list – it becomes a goal – and then it slips from our grasp.

This is why our awareness of that presence that is larger than ourselves – the awareness that is in you already – appears to come and go. It’s why we search and search for meaning and connection.

But if you pay attention to the present, presence naturally arises. If you direct your attention into this moment, presence is already here.

And then it becomes easier to notice the part of us that prefers to have a shiny surface than actually shine. We can see why we find it safer, more comfortable to hide in the shadows. We can see why it’s easier to keep busy rather than have to look at what we are afraid might be inside us.

What would it feel like if you were willing to stand in the light? What would happen if you were willing to be seen? Not as you think you want to be seen, but as you actually are.

Because shining isn’t something that you do – it’s something that you already are. We can already see you. And we love who you are.

So, back to this concept of ‘spiritual’… The answer is this: Instead of doing or trying or achieving, try sensing… receiving… allowing… Feel the readiness inside you – notice that what you are searching for, you already are.

There is nothing outside of you.

Be you. Gently.

Shine the light inward.

With a deep appreciation of what you find.

Merindah Ward is an awareness coach who gently guides busy thinkers into the present moment, helping them rediscover a peaceful connection to themselves and a clear direction for their lives.

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Brain labels. Ever had one attached to you?

• attention deficit
• hyper
• depressed
• anxious
• autistic
• distractable
• anti-social

I feel yucky just typing these. When I was in grade school, my teachers said I was “not performing to potential”, “talkative”, “a daydreamer”. The worst was “Queen of the Space Cadets”. Ouch. Years later, as an adult, I got the label “attention deficit disorder”.

Brain labels erode confidence

Although I’m sure my teachers meant no harm, their labeling made me feel different – in a way that isolated me and prevented me from asking for help. Somehow that label meant that the behavior was my problem. If I would just try harder… (ever heard that one?)

In my heart of hearts, I knew I was fine just the way I was — I loved being creative and imaginative — but not everyone is that lucky. Over time, we unconsciously absorb the belief that being different is not okay. We fall prey to the belief that we’re inferior, not intelligent, or as good as those who easily fit the norm.

Intelligence is more than your IQ

Ode Magazine recently published an article I’m crazy about. It’s called Your Brain is a Rain Forest, by Thomas Armstrong, which explores the concept of “neurodiversity”. Instead of a one-size-fits-all model brain, he suggests that there’s an infinite variety of brain types — all of them useful in their own right.

Instead of automatically labeling brains that deviate from the norm as aberant or inferior, Armstrong  argues persuasively that brain labels are, among other things, an indicator of our culture’s bias. Western culture is fast-paced, highly social, driven, and productive, so it’s inherently biased against brains that process slowly, are introverted, methodical, or dreamy. This is a loss, since all brains (and their people) have something valuable to contribute.

Just look at the life of Temple Grandin, autistic genius and creator of a humane cattle chute.

Caring for your brain in a sped-up, overstimulating world

As I’ve been writing this, the grass is being mowed outside my office. I can’t change this fact. I’ve gotten up about 6 times, turned on classical music, closed the door, closed the window, and put on my noise-canceling headphones — all to manage my focus.

In Armstrong’s article, he emphasizes the importance of constructing what he calls “positive niches” for your kind of brain. Just like birds or plants, different brains thrive in environments that compliment their unique qualities.

In addition to communities and geographic areas Armstrong discusses, at Inspired Home Office we create micro-level positive niches. My purpose is to help you create an environment that supports you and encourages your creativity. I never focus on your brain’s weaknesses. Instead, we explore what your brain does well so that you can integrate it into your work environment.

Some of the the unique traits and intellect that clients demonstrate include:

• emotion
• sensitivity and intuition
• creativity
• vision
• movement
• placement of physical objects
• systems
• relationships

When viewed through this positive lens, “deficiencies” become assets that are used to inform the creation of a nourishing environment. For example, someone who is highly visual might need something beautiful (window view, painting, collage, inspirational quote) to look at while working. Someone with a lot of energy might use a bouncy chair or treadmill while using the computer, so she’s not rigidly confined to a desk. Someone who craves solitude for reflection and renewal can set up systems that buffer her from interruption.

Your brain is a unique and beautiful gift

Take a moment to entertain this idea: if you struggle in your work environment, the problem isn’t your or your brain, it’s simply your environment. It doesn’t yet match your brain’s needs.

Don’t let a label run your life. Take a few minutes to read Armstrong’s article for full impact and begin to celebrate the brain you have.

Then explore: What’s one (small or large) adjustment you can make to your current workspace so that it more closely matches your brain’s strengths?

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It’s happened to all of us. We’re in the process of clearing off a space and we come across something we really want to let go of, but can’t. We freeze — stopped in our tracks by obligation or grief or fear. All clearing efforts come to a screeching halt.

Has this happened to you before?

What do you do?

Things that work for me

When it happens to me, I like to pause for a moment and see if there are any emotions that need some space. This is especially effective for things that I have sentimental attachment to. Old purses. Sweet cards from loved ones. I pause and feel the feelings.

If it’s a more practical item, I like to ask myself, “What do you need?” and really listen to the soft reply that often comes. I also ask myself, “Do you need this? Do you love this? Does it support you and your spirit?” These questions really help me get to the bottom and release the frozenness.

These usually help clarify the next step.

Things that don’t work so well

Well, there’s always good old denial. “Oops!  A whole drawerful of miscellaneous power cords?! Let’s pretend I didn’t see that! Moving right along…” When something it too complex or I’m already overwhelmed, this is quite effective – in the short run. In the long run? Stuff doesn’t get released and it builds up.

Saving it for later is my other strategy. I do this especially with binders full of information from classes or workshops I’ve attended and paid good money for. “Someday” I’ll go through them all and make even better use of the material in them. Never happens.

What works for you?

When you’re clearing and you find something you want to release, but can’t, what do YOU do?

Please share your thoughts below…

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The costs and opportunities of life in the fast lane

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Take a moment right now to take stock of everything you need to do today. What’s on your list? If you’re like most creative people, it’s long. Would it be an understatement to call it  overwhelming?

Creative people are optimists – which is why we write to-do lists that are far longer than we can humanly accomplish. We are pretty good at denying reality and trying to pack it all in anyway.

When faced with a ton of things to do, most people try to solve the “not enough time” problem by hurrying. If we hurry, we reason, we can get everything done. In hurry mode, I imagine I look like a little time-elapse robot doing everything faster: working, reading email, brushing teeth, eating, walking, driving (eek!) – even talking with loved ones.

Not only do we speed up to fit more in, we cut corners. When I’m hurried I check out during conversations, skip flossing, disregard traffic rules. I know it’s not a good thing to do, but I’m in a hurry. Right?

Busy isn’t a virtue

Being busy is habit-forming. Once you start speeding up, it’s very hard to shut it off. We zip from one thing to the next without noticing how unsatisfying it feels. Even if we want slow down, we live in a culture that applauds a schedule that’s packed solid from dawn to bedtime. We’re pressured into doing more in less time. Ask anyone how they’re doing today, and practically no one says “fine” anymore. Everyone says “busy.”

But is busy what we’re really craving?

When I ask my clients how they want to feel ideally when they’re working, they say things like: calm, peaceful, open, connected, inspired, and alive. Sounds so appealing! That’s because we’re really not striving to feel more overwhelmed and short on time. Even if we end up getting stressed out, most people seek something more sustaining.

Busy is a choice

Being busy is an addiction that’s is challenging to recover from. Adrenaline and cortisol are hormones your body releases in response to stress. When we’re under stress, they motivate us.

Is fast useful sometimes? Sure! Back in the days of the Pony Express, a horse would be ridden at full gallop to get the mail delivered in an unprecedented amount of time (10 whole days – can you imagine?). At each checkpoint, the rider would switch to a fresh horse. Most of us know too well what it’s like for the horse who’s left behind. He collapses. It takes him days to recover. Like those ponies, we can only run at top speed for so long before we run our of energy – not to mention attention and patience.

Being busy, over-committed, and sped up don’t seem like a healthy choice for anyone (including those poor horses), but we do it every day. There’s no need to judge yourself, but waking up to it – and the consequences it has on your life – is the best place to start making a change for the better. And calmer.

The price of being in a hurry

While it can be interesting and even fun to have a life that’s packed solid, being hurried for too long can take a toll on your short-term memory, your sense of well-being, and your ability to react to small frustrations reasonably. I speak from personal experience — when I feel worried and slightly ticked-off — these are signs that my life is over-full.

Here’s the thing: when you’re at capacity, there’s nowhere for extra stress to spill. It just splashes over onto everyone and everything. You talk faster. You try to work faster. When something goes wrong, it feels catastrophic, even when you know in your head that it isn’t that big a deal. Life needs some room in it when the unexpected pops up – so when we fail to create that, we run around feeling tense and leaking this bad energy to those around us.

The other impact of being busy for too long is that people are more likely to get sick. It’s almost as if getting sick is the only way to slow the body down enough to catch one’s breath. Sometimes it’s a bad headache, or an upset digestive system. Other times it’s a full-blown virus. Your immune system just can’t keep up.

The greatest loss in being speedy is that we stop enjoying even things we love to do: enjoying delicious meals with friends, a favorite hobby, watching the kids play soccer, stroking a pet, kissing our special someone, day dreaming… We’re so busy trying to rush, to fit in one more thing, that we stop being present. We do things on automatic — meanwhile worrying about how much time it’s taking.

Busy-ness makes us lose our ability to enjoy life’s simplest pleasures.

There must be another way.

Life is for living, not running around, feathers flying, hoping the sky doesn’t fall. There’s more to your life than more. Creating balance sometimes means having less and doing less so you have room for what you crave. If you’ve been putting off a vacation, or a beloved creative outlet, or quality time with loved ones, look inward.

If you revisit your list of today’s to-dos, you might notice as you glance down the list that some of the items induce stress or dread in you. There are usually the “urgent and important” things we make time for no matter what. Beyond those you may find some other items that are interesting, compelling, and enjoyable. These are the activities most people have a harder time getting to.

Things to try:

1. Take a little time to notice what impact being over-full and in a hurry has on you, your dreams, and those you love. Do you feel satisfied?

2. Ask yourself: Is there something else you’re craving? If so, what do you really need? Trust whatever answers come up for you.

3. Notice whether there’s anything you’d consider letting go of that would add to you sense of satisfaction.

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Dr. Abby Heppner

What she does: Abby Heppner is a chiropractic doctor in Salem, Oregon who owns her own practice and works with families to prevent and treat pain.

What she loves best about her office: If we’d asked a month ago, she would have said, “Nothing.” Since she’s read Fun In Functional, she found a way to make the things she looks at positive and beautiful even in a tiny, shared office. Wow!

Abby’s organizing genius idea:

Abby went from having what she called the “Post-it(R) Note Crazy Wall,” to containing all those notes into 3 elegant, labeled manila files:

• Things to do this week
• Things to do next week
• Long-term projects

The best parts of this system for Abby:

• A place to put all those tiny sticky notes.
• The folders fit in her laptop bag and are easy to transport.
• Notes are reduced into small, digestible chunks of information.
• She knows when the actions need to be done.
• She can see when she’s finished with the week’s tasks.

Impact on her business:

• Feeling less overwhelmed and more in control.
• Neater piles and less stuff.
• Things seem more manageable because she’s taking on only what she can do.
• More present with her patients.

Listen to the recording (12 minutes)

Genius quote:

“It’s so much nicer to have a clean little space than a messy little space.”
- Dr. Abby Heppner

Care to comment?

…and what to do about it

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Abundance is here.

Do you have more stuff than you want — more paper, more books, more email, more commitments, more bills? If you’re trying to manifest abundance, stop! It’s already here! Most people I know have more to do in one week than a person could truly appreciate in a month or more.

This isn’t what we imagine abundance should look like. Personally, I imagined lying on a lounge chair on a warm beach, sipping something with a tiny umbrella in it. Ahhh.

But the abundance I have (and maybe you do too) is not the least bit relaxing. I never imagined that “abundance” would masquerade through my life as a cluttered stress-ball, but there it is.

Give me simplicity.

For many, the road from to simplicity is rocky. We like having things. We like being wanted. “I’m busy” makes us feel important. It can be hard to let go of the short-term payoffs, but this much intensity can create overwhelm in the long run.

Ask anyone whose desk is so full of paper and treasures that they can’t complete their taxes on time and are scrambling for an extension. Ask anyone who, literally, can’t find time to pee. It isn’t the kind of abundance they wanted, either, and it can suck the joy out of life.

The #1 sneaky lie that attracts overwhelm:

“I can fit it in.”

If you hear yourself say these words, freeze. This is your ego speaking.

The ego is a very specific kind of master: a task master. The ego doesn’t want simplicity, it craves complexity and drama. It wants you to be overextended.

If you want more simplicity in your life, you can beat the ego at its own game so you can act upon your deeper desires.

To do this, first it’s important to know how letting the ego rule your life and your calendar affects you.

“Fit it in” Consequence 1: Antagonizing loved ones and strangers.

The more we attempt to fit in, the greater the chances the fight-or-flight response getting triggered.

Stress from over-commitment brings out the worst in people. Instead of being present, we’re testy. Instead of accepting, irritable. Instead of forgiving, we guilt-trip. Sometimes we hold those feelings in, which hurts our own hearts as well.

“Fit it in” Consequence 2: Missed opportunities for connection

One night last week, Inspired Spouse came into my office to talk while I was finishing up “one last thing” that I “needed” to do. Truthfully, I heard only every 4th word and listened just enough to appease. Later, I realized that I’d missed a precious opportunity to meaningfully connect with my Most Important Person.

When we hurry, we miss opportunities to connect.

“Fit it in” Consequence 3: Engaging in risky behaviors

While we’re over-committed and feeling rushed, we hurry to catch up. Traffic laws become negotiable. We speed. We tailgate. We cut people off in traffic. Suddenly our urgency is at the expense of others’ needs, including our own safety.

“Fit it in” Consequence 4: Satisfaction denied

Cramming more to-dos into your day deprives you of the satisfaction of completing a job or task thoroughly. Many people don’t stop long enough to enjoy the feeling of completion, before rushing headlong into whatever is next. Life becomes an endless, depressing mound of stuff to do before we die.

“Fit it in” Consequence 5: Craving more. And more. Andmoreandmoreandmore.

It’s been proven that the faster a person eats, the greater the likelihood of overeating. The same could be said for internet usage, TV watching, gambling, reading, et cetera. When we rush to cram it all in, we immediately start to crave more because we never really have it in the first place. We’re not present enough.

Geneen Roth wisely said, “You can’t have enough of what you don’t really want.” She was speaking of food specifically — that no amount of Oreos can equal a relaxing soak in the tub. This applies to lots of other things, too. No amount of money can feel like love. 100 completed “to-dos” doesn’t feel like a talk with a good friend.

So what?

None of these observations is intended to convey that doing stuff is bad. On the contrary. Doing stuff is good, so long as it’s not done at the expense of your spirit and others who share the planet with you. I know that’s a tall order. I’m working on it myself.

Alternatives to “fitting it all in”.

Instead of cramming more into your day or onto your desk, here are a few suggestions to prevent “fitting more in”.

Know your limits

Reflect on how many hours of work will sustain you without creating burnout. Do you know how many social engagements can you handle each month and still enjoy yourself?

Think about how many activities you really want to drive your kids to every week. When you have some limits established, it can be easier to maintain a healthy schedule and work load.

Build in buffer time.

Instead of scheduling your plans and tasks back-to-back, plan for things to take longer. My weekly appointment is a 20-minute drive, but traffic is always sketchy. When I started giving myself 30 minutes for the drive, I stopped driving like a speed demon and arrived calmer. Where might you need some buffer time?

Practice pausing.

Whether someone is asking for your time, or you’ve got something to add to your plate, catch yourself in the moment (when you can) and ask:

• Do I have to fit this in?
• Do I want to?
• Do I need to do this?

You may choose the same way as before, but bringing consciousness to your choices makes you feel more empowered and less a victim of your “to-dos”.

Practice saying “no” kindly.

Most people think that if they’re asked, they should say yes.

If you know that your week is at capacity, saying yes can push us over the edge. Saying no doesn’t have to be negative. When someone asks to get together, focus on the intention behind the ask. Don’t assume that you are the only one who can handle it. Negotiate.

Stop to celebrate and acknowledge your efforts.

Instead of rushing to the next thing, it can be profoundly satisfying to stop long enough to appreciate your efforts and recognize your accomplishments. Sometimes I ask others to do the same for me when I have a hard time believing it myself. It’s something we do all the time for Office Spa Day.

In the end

The contented life isn’t about having more, it’s having less and appreciating how abundant that really is.

May your week be less packed and your life more full.

Warmly,
Jennifer

Thoughts? Yeah, buts? Me toos?

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Hi there. It’s been a few weeks since I posted last and I wanted to assure you that I’m back. I hope you had a terrific break that involved considerable relaxation, connection and quiet.

My break was great. It wasn’t perfect, occasionally disappointing and even annoying at times. But over all, it was 17 whole days to focus on the big picture, on my heart, and on my loved ones. It couldn’t help but be full and good. You were definitely in my thoughts.

Although I’m not a fan of resolutions, several useful intentions came out of my time away. It might very well be a “big” year for Inspired Home Office if some of these intentions become reality. If you’re still thinking about what 2010 might hold for you, I offer these areas of focus for your consideration.

5 areas of focus for 2010

1. Hand over more stuff to the Divine. (Worry less.)

Maybe you can relate: if something isn’t quite right, I tend to worry it to a fuzzled nub. Obsessively. Day and night. This habit frays my nerves and splashes icko-energy on anyone within a 15-foot radius.

When you’re running a small business, delegation is an effective strategy at making the best use of your skills. So I’m delegating my worry to someone/thing that has more skill at dealing with problems than I: the Divine.

I’m beginning what may become a daily practice of writing a to-do list for God. I don’t really know if the things I write will get done, but I’ve got 36 years of worry that has proven completely ineffective. So, it’s a new experiment for me: delegating worry. I’m handing it off to the most skilled.

2. Take more time off.

My two recent retreat experiences have been so positive that, this year, I’m planning to go on a 4-day retreat every quarter as well as overnight once each month – retreats away from home for rest and contemplation. So much is gained from putting life on “pause” and coming back to it renewed.

I’m also planning to spend one week each month focused on the growth and operations of my business. Instead of focusing outward, I’ll focus on the creative projects I’ve put off because “there’s no time.” I’m setting it aside. I’ll be talking about this more in a future post. It feels pretty radical.

3. Do things slowly.

Recently, some researchers found that when participants chewed an almond 40 times before swallowing, they reported feeling fuller and more satisfied with fewer almonds. That’s like, 20 seconds of chewing. Per almond. I could down a bowl of mac ‘n’ cheeze that fast.

The part of the research that really intrigued me was the second part. With all my heart and soul, I want to report feeling fuller and more satisfied from consuming less. I don’t mean just food, either. I mean everything.

I’ve thought a lot about slow. It doesn’t mean pokey. It means present. I’m giving slow a whirl this year because going fast and speeding through everything with half a brain cell just isn’t feeding me or my spirit.

4. Say yes less.

And on that topic, I can only slow down if I am doing less. If I am less committed. If I am juggling 3 balls instead of 2 dozen.

My intention is to be conscious of all the things I’ve already said yes to wholeheartedly. It’s to honor that saying “no” to one thing means a big “yes” to something more important. It’s also to release the “why nots” and the “I guess sos”. Half-hearted acquiescence doesn’t make a life.

In the midst of saying yes less, it will be important to remember that it’s a practice, not a destination. Like many, I’ve over-committed all my life. There has been a pay-off, a reward for doing life this way. So it’s my intention to say less less, be willing to do it imperfectly, and learn from what the practice teaches me.

5. Bring more spirit into Inspired Home Office

In the coming year, you will continue to find comfort and insights on my blog, in my newsletter, in the social networking I do, and from the products and classes my business offers. The topic will continue to be about running your small business with creative order and sanity.

This year, look for an infusion of spirit and heart, a deepening of the reasons for creating order  that will help sustain you after initial enthusiasm wanes. It is my hope that this year’s offers from my business help your business grow and your life become simpler and more fulfilling.

Thoughts? Yeah, buts? Me, toos?

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Not too long ago, we talked about keeping your sanity at the holidays. Basically, when there’s more to do than usual, something’s got to give. If your list of to-dos doesn’t match up with reality, you will run out of  time and/or energy before it’s all done.

It’s totally human to just keep piling on the “yeah, sure, I’ll do thats” without checking to see whether they line up with reality. Unfortunately, this habit also makes you a pre-holiday spaz.

See, overwhelm is a product of being unconscious about your agreements with yourself (and others). If you create awareness, the overwhelm can dissipate.

Shed a little consciousness on the next week.

Feel like doing a little activity?

• Grab a piece of paper or use the comment box below
• Write down how you’d like to feel this holiday (peaceful, happy, calm, etc.)
• Write down the things you want to accomplish before Christmas Eve (business, personal, etc.)
• Look over the list
• Cross off anything that doesn’t bring you closer to how you want to feel this holiday.

This may seem harsh, but it will help you prevent the overwhelm of having so much to do in a short period of time. It will also prevent the collapsed feeling that often follows.

Tomorrow begins my 16- day vacation. Soon, yours will begin too. What will you consciously cut out so you can have the kind of holiday you truly want?

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I love this quote.

“You can see only as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.” — E. L. Doctorow (via @artcetera)

If you’re frustrated by the amount of email you have, or the amount of work, or the volume of paper on your desk, or the frazzled nerves in your brain, or the lack of time to do things…

Just remember that you don’t have to do the whole thing. You only need to do the next thing.

• If you have boatload of work to do, pick one thing – even the easiest thing – and start with that.
• If you have a ton of email to read and reply to, start with the one on the bottom.
• If you haven’t had time to write a single Christmas or New Year’s card, don’t do all of them. Just start with one.

It’s the season where you can knock yourself flat, deplete your spirit, and snarl at loved ones.  Not because you want to, but because there’s just so much happening at once that it’s hard to decide where to start.

Just like the quote says, shine your light on one thing. Start with that. You’ll still get to your destination – and you might even feel lighter and more peaceful when you arrive.

For me, that means clicking “publish” on this post so I can share it with you.

What’s the next thing for you?

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Okay, literalists, it is technically still November. But December’s tomorrow.

I’m curious. How are doing?

Are you:

• a. What? December’s here?
• b. I’m still recovering from Thanksgiving last week, thankyouvurrymuch.
• c. Hanging on to my hat and praying that Christmas break gets here soon.
• d. No time to reflect on this. Too busy. I should be doing something else right now.
• e. Pretty good – not too stressed – thanks for asking.
• f. Other (fill in blank): _______________________________

I’ll start.

Personally, my Thanksgiving holiday was pretty restful (plus I got to hang out with Sharon, Theresa, and Tim.) and I’m feeling more grounded than I have in a while.

I’ve also made that age-old mistake of booking myself solid the first few days “back”. (Note to self: Um, could you please not do that?) Like today. But I’m managing. And breathing.

So, December’s tomorrow. How are you?

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